This morning I didn't think I needed to stay home from church. I had every plan to go! It has been a very busy week- I've had something going everyday this week and next week is the same way. In months & years past, I would never have been able to keep up with that schedule. But recently it has felt so good to still be able to keep going - even with a busy schedule. I've been so grateful- so relieved to have some endurance. I was going to go!
But as Ren left for 1st service this morning, he yelled up at me to just stay home- to rest! I yelled back "No, I'm fine, I'll be there for 2nd service!". However, as the morning continued, I realized it wasn't my body that needed the rest- it was the rest of me! My mind and my heart needed time- time to process the many thoughts and concepts that had come into my week; time to listen to what my life was telling me! time to notice the moments when the kingdom of God was trying to break through to my world and lead me into a growing place.
Like on Tuesday, when I mentioned to Leesa at work that I was looking for an old 'farm house' table for the GREEN room upstairs. And I would need a chair for my desk too! She jumped on Craig's list and within a couple of minutes, we found a pic of a little painted table with two drop leaves that looked just the right size. It had just gone on the list that morning. So on the way home from work, I called the number and made arrangements to stop by to see it. The lady sounded so friendly, I was looking forward to the encounter.
When I drove up, the table - and one white chair to go with it- was sitting on the front lawn! The woman came out to meet me - my first thought was- Wow! She reminds me of someone! But didn't think anything more about it. We talked about the table and that they just put it up for sale today. She asked me what I wanted to do with it- so I told her. We were remodeling my daughter's room who died 4 years ago. She sighed and said, "Oh I understand- 3 years ago, our daughter's only son was killed in an accident." We had plenty to talk about at that point. Then she asked how old my daughter was- I said 15. Right away, I could tell her mind began wheeling with thoughts. Suddenly she hands came up to her cheeks in realization, and she gasped, "You're Kathy!"
My eyes got wide! 'Yes!"
She reached for me and said, "I'm Rosie!"
And just as suddenly, I realized that I did know this little woman before me!
She was Rosie, the mother of the woman who was Ren's first secretary when we moved to Ohio and he was on staff at St. John. We knew Rosie & Jack 18 years ago- their daughter, Angie wasn't at the church for very long after we came- but we knew her son, Rosie's grandson. He was pretty young then-he's just a few years older than Caitlin, so he was probably 8 or 9 when we came. But we hadn't seen any of them for a long time!
Here we stood, all these years later around a table & a chair- remembering together! grieving together! Having our souls gently massaged by the heart of another who KNOWS what it is to lose.
It was one of those moments when I sensed God taking a lot of loose ends of my life and tieing it together in his hands. I don't know what I learned from that moment- other than that He was still intimately involved with me- in my journey to furnish my special room- with a very special table! It belongs there!
There have been many other Kingdom moments this week!
Conversations with Cait about the people & places of the Bible coming alive!
or with Brie talking about 'precious moments' and loving people and loving life.
or meeting with a special group of women and hearing the 'story' of their lives as they begin to notice God's fingerprints in places they have never seen him.
or this morning, kneeling in the GREEN room before the throne of God in worship!
Ah, Lord! Thank you for the words of my husband reminding me to stop!
I SEE You!
I love you!
Showing posts with label green room. Show all posts
Showing posts with label green room. Show all posts
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Lessons from a painted closet
It was an interesting classroom- this closet of mine. I laid on it's floor looking up at the 9 foot walls.
The closet is actually the one in Leisha's old room. It's about to become - not a closet- but my 'office'! I cleaned all the treasures that were still left there. Some are waiting to be put back- some made their way to the attic. Some to Good will or friends! That was a great deal of effort for me already. So now I wondering, "Must I really give it a second coat? Would anyone notice that trim peice not touched up? Do I really care that much?"
It's not a 'normal' closet! It's odd shaped- one long rectangle with a little square tacked on at the far end. When we first moved here- there was one small door by the wall, and when you walked in- there was one long pole running about 6 feet back. And behind that was what used to be a window to the original house. They had boarded it up- but with the 3 brick layers of the original house- we now had an indention that made a great bookshelf. It's just behind the clothes. So when we moved in, we opened up the wall so we could actually get to most of the clothes- painted it all white and added a closet system that allowed us to use the book shelf too- for storage. Never did add any doors though.
But now that we don't need quite as much storage with Leisha gone and the girls at school, a friend suggested we decided to turn it into a mini office. I wondered about it at first- but as the room has progressed in design, I realized I wanted to be there- not to use the room as an office, but with my desk in the closet- the room could still be all we wanted it to be- and I could enjoy it.
I painted it "Light Raffia"- tan, in other words. The book case is "Del Coronado Tequila"- don't you love the name. It's Cream, basically, with the trim in the closet white. But it works well with our green walls in the room-and it will also be the colors of the bead board ceiling in the room.
So what does all this have to do with the lessons I've learned.
Well you see, when you are painting a closet- you are tempted to cheat a little. Once you get the clothes in and the 'stuff' stored- who's gonna know you didn't do the second coat- or touched up around the trim, or even painted the ceiling. The walls are uneven- gobbled in some places by owners long before us. Who cares! It really doesn't impact anyone-
but me!
I'll know!
Especially since it's no longer just a closet but my space. I'll always see it. I'll always notice because it will haunt me every time I walk in there. I know, because I have other places in my house that continue to taunt me for attention! Why didn't I just take care of that to begin with?
My life is like that right now. I'm in the process of trying to 'clean out some closets' in my emotional life. Places where clutter has gathered; Cob webs have grown; Dust bunnys run wildly; Or perhaps rust has begun and the damage is almost irrepairable. I know I have to dig into these places of my heart because everytime I try to take a step forward, some part of my 'closet' haunts me and pulls me back into the comfort of my ache. It does seem to become comfort after a while, even though it is painful. It's what I know! It's what I've learned to live with. OUT THERE I don't know what I'll find. I don't know if I'll be hurt again! I don't know if I'll be rejected again! I don't know if I'll experience loss again. So I stay in my closet!
But not today! Today, I've begun agian the process of clearing out some of the clutter. I'm identifying where I'm angry and how it's affecting me. I'm looking at where I need to take care of me, BEFORE I take care of others- and not be selfish in doing it. I'm experiencing a freedom that comes from facing the next hard thing- and seeing God big enough to handle that too!
And that means painting the parts of the closet know one sees but me. My dad used to tell me that character was who we are when no one was watching. So when no one will know but me, Am I willing to clean & paint the parts of me that know one ever sees. Am I willing to be 'underneath it all' who I try to be on the outside?
I want to be! I want to be cleaned out and painted thoroughly. I know there's a lot of work yet to do. But the Lord is graciously, gently making me aware of the things in life that have yet to be said, to be done!
So...I'm going back in - for another coat of paint! How about you?
The closet is actually the one in Leisha's old room. It's about to become - not a closet- but my 'office'! I cleaned all the treasures that were still left there. Some are waiting to be put back- some made their way to the attic. Some to Good will or friends! That was a great deal of effort for me already. So now I wondering, "Must I really give it a second coat? Would anyone notice that trim peice not touched up? Do I really care that much?"
It's not a 'normal' closet! It's odd shaped- one long rectangle with a little square tacked on at the far end. When we first moved here- there was one small door by the wall, and when you walked in- there was one long pole running about 6 feet back. And behind that was what used to be a window to the original house. They had boarded it up- but with the 3 brick layers of the original house- we now had an indention that made a great bookshelf. It's just behind the clothes. So when we moved in, we opened up the wall so we could actually get to most of the clothes- painted it all white and added a closet system that allowed us to use the book shelf too- for storage. Never did add any doors though.
But now that we don't need quite as much storage with Leisha gone and the girls at school, a friend suggested we decided to turn it into a mini office. I wondered about it at first- but as the room has progressed in design, I realized I wanted to be there- not to use the room as an office, but with my desk in the closet- the room could still be all we wanted it to be- and I could enjoy it.
I painted it "Light Raffia"- tan, in other words. The book case is "Del Coronado Tequila"- don't you love the name. It's Cream, basically, with the trim in the closet white. But it works well with our green walls in the room-and it will also be the colors of the bead board ceiling in the room.
So what does all this have to do with the lessons I've learned.
Well you see, when you are painting a closet- you are tempted to cheat a little. Once you get the clothes in and the 'stuff' stored- who's gonna know you didn't do the second coat- or touched up around the trim, or even painted the ceiling. The walls are uneven- gobbled in some places by owners long before us. Who cares! It really doesn't impact anyone-
but me!
I'll know!
Especially since it's no longer just a closet but my space. I'll always see it. I'll always notice because it will haunt me every time I walk in there. I know, because I have other places in my house that continue to taunt me for attention! Why didn't I just take care of that to begin with?
My life is like that right now. I'm in the process of trying to 'clean out some closets' in my emotional life. Places where clutter has gathered; Cob webs have grown; Dust bunnys run wildly; Or perhaps rust has begun and the damage is almost irrepairable. I know I have to dig into these places of my heart because everytime I try to take a step forward, some part of my 'closet' haunts me and pulls me back into the comfort of my ache. It does seem to become comfort after a while, even though it is painful. It's what I know! It's what I've learned to live with. OUT THERE I don't know what I'll find. I don't know if I'll be hurt again! I don't know if I'll be rejected again! I don't know if I'll experience loss again. So I stay in my closet!
But not today! Today, I've begun agian the process of clearing out some of the clutter. I'm identifying where I'm angry and how it's affecting me. I'm looking at where I need to take care of me, BEFORE I take care of others- and not be selfish in doing it. I'm experiencing a freedom that comes from facing the next hard thing- and seeing God big enough to handle that too!
And that means painting the parts of the closet know one sees but me. My dad used to tell me that character was who we are when no one was watching. So when no one will know but me, Am I willing to clean & paint the parts of me that know one ever sees. Am I willing to be 'underneath it all' who I try to be on the outside?
I want to be! I want to be cleaned out and painted thoroughly. I know there's a lot of work yet to do. But the Lord is graciously, gently making me aware of the things in life that have yet to be said, to be done!
So...I'm going back in - for another coat of paint! How about you?
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