I can hear Him singing!

She's invited me to come on a journey with her; a pilgrimage of  life from loss to gratitude, from isolation to communion, to intimacy.

The author of One Thousand Gifts has taken me full circle.

All the while her words have gently massaged my soul, 

drawing out toxins that have permeated the very core of my being, 

kneading in messages of promise, of HOPE!

modeling for me how to live fully- not perfectly- but completely

seeing with eyes that behold His gifts, his invitation to hear him say once again,
"I love you!"

gratitude upon gratitude leading to the miracle

the communion of extraordinary God with ordinary woman

Eucharisteo!

This book I neither read quickly or flippantly.  Each page seemed to need time of its own to ponder- to question- to embrace! I wept! I smiled! I found healing and comfort, challenge and inspiration.  I rejoiced and grieved! For Ann- yes! Deep within myself- most definitely!  But for many others as well. Women and men who long for this kind of oneness with One who knows them inside and out and loves them still.  Yet the journey is not an easy one and many choose not to go there, not to do the work of 'noticing' for fear of what they might see,  for fear of the pain they might feel. 

But oh, what we miss when we silently back away from the angst and retreat to isolation once again. Most often it's that daily reminder of the 'gifts'. Noticing in a brief instant or in a series of moments that He has yet again reached out to me so uniquely to my needs and desires. But sometimes, when you least expect or when you are living most expectantly - there is this Kairos!  This moment when God takes up all the loose ends of your life and knots them together in the palm of His hand. Suddenly all the pieces of the journey begin to come together and take shape.  Your heart burns with longing and fills with gratitude all at the same time.  You know! You know!

Easter morning I read Ann's words (I record them because I do not want to forget the gift of that moment):

I can hear Him, singing, waking the world.  He's singing THAT song! 
The one I really didn't believe He sang!

"He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." (Zephaniah 3:17)

He sings love!...I can see the song,...And I can see in: 
Love is the face at the center of the universe. 
A sacred Smile; 
Holiness ready to die for intimacy!
...He serenades, "How do I love thee? 
I count the ways!

In eucharisteo, I count, count, count, keeping the beat of His song, the love song He can't stop singing, this long song of longing. That he sings love over me?

What else can all these gifts mean?

Crazy, I know, but until eucharisteo had me write the graces on paper, in my own handwriting, until it alerted my mind to see the graces in the details of my very own live, I hadn't really known.
With every grace, He sings, 

"You are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you." (Isaiah 43:4)

"For you are a chosen people...God's very own possession." (1 Peter 2:9)

I was afraid? I would have let fears that He wasn't close, wasn't passionately caring, wasn't tenderly tending, keep me from seeing ...He chose me!

(I would love to record the whole chapter- but be sure to read chapter 11, The joy of intimacy in it's entirety.)

She goes on to say:

CS Lewis argued that the most fundamental thing is not how we think of God but rather what God thinks of us... infinitely more important. Years of Christian discipleship, Bible study, churchgoing have been about me thinking about God. Practicing eucharisteo was the very first I had really consider at length what God thought about me- this ridiculous and relentlessly pursuing love, so bold. Everywhere, everything, Love!

"I have loved you with an everlasing love;
I have drawn you with loving-kindness. (Jeremiah 31:3 NIV)

In a thousand ways He woos.

In a thousand ways I fall in love.

Isn't falling in love always the fullest life?

Gratitude, gratitude, always eucharisteo!

I hear Him singing too!
How about you?

So...I learned two new words today!!!

rec·i·proc·i·ty/ˌresəˈpräsətē/

Noun:

The practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit, esp. privileges granted by one country or organization to another.

requitedpast participle, past tense of re·quite (Verb)

Verb:

Make appropriate return for (a favor or service); reward. Avenge or retaliate for (an injury or wrong).

Ok, so they're not completely brand new to me- but felt new as Pastor Randy challenged us with them today!  They are pretty common teachings that we get in our world today.  They have to do with the phrases 'what you give is what you get!" "you get what you pay for", or "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."

I've been considering it in terms of creating a business that contracts a fee for my services.  Things that I have done all my life, or tried to- I am now trying to create a living with. That sometimes means being aware of a fine line between being friend and coach.  But in either case, I am experiencing and EXPECTING that I will receive from the relationship.  As a friend, I will receive friendship in return. As a coach, I will receive payment and fulfillment from helping someone process something important to them.

Even today, I was given a 'gift' from a friend- it wasn't my birthday, it wasn't a holiday.  Just a regular day- and they blessed me with a gift that is 'perfect'.  I didn't expect it, didn't ask for it, but I received it with the blessing of a friend who saw a way to bless me!

But I've considered God's love for us!  He gave His love, his Son, knowing that we wouldn't get it- some of us never.  I mean the 'religious' people were the ones that hung Jesus on the cross!  We still do it today! Christ doesn't look like we think He should so ... we dismiss Him and what He offers!

As I've read "One Thousand Gifts", I read that everyday God gives to us GIFTS that remind of his love.  But I'm busy, or tired, or focused on other things and I don't even watch for those gifts.

UNREQUITED LOVE  "is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind."

Not only does God desire that we receive His love to us, but He is calling us to love without expecting anything back- even though the world teaches us to only give when you can get.

Unrequited Love- What does it look like to show love when we're not going to get anything back?

Can I show love with an attitude that truly desires only to move that person closer to the Lord, whether I receive anything in return- ever?  (Actually that question came from one of Randy's earlier messages!)

Lord, I sense this is a KAIROS moment for me.
(Kairos- a moment God breaks into your world.  Heaven breaks into your world)
You are using it in my life for a reason!
Help me hear you this week as I learn to love in your upside down kingdom!

I just want time to do my one life well.

Ok! If you've been following my blog- you know that I started reading "ONE THOUSAND GIFTS" during the Christmas break.  Well I'm only to chapter 4!  It takes a while to digest the thoughts on these pages.  And chapter 4 is right where I need to be today!

It starts with a J.R.R.Tolkien quote:
All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

Hmmm!  What do I do with my time?

I remember the words of a song
Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes
Five hundred, twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

Wow! 525,600 minutes!  Now if I had that in dollars, I would think that was a very good thing.  Yet when I think of it in time, that does not seem very long!

Especially when I sleep 8-10 hours.
Eat.
Talk on the phone to my girls or family.
Read.
Write.
Study.
Coach.
Answer emails.
Check facebook & website.
Talk on the phone.
Watch TV.
Plan.
visit friends.
go to church
work my budget
...you get the idea!
(hmmm!  I noticed that I didn't say clean or exercise.  That's sad! I'm trying to do both with more intentionality girls! I promise!)

But am I really using my time in a way that brings richness to my life.  Am I making choices that give fullness.  "Time is life.  And if I want the fullest life, I need to find the fullest time." ~Ann Voskamp

When I look back at 2011, I am really amazed!  I began the year by launching my new practice as a life & relationship coach called Green HOPE Coaching!   I knew it's what I wanted to do!  I knew the timing was right for me!  I knew God was directing my steps!

But I felt, at times during the year, that I wasn't 'getting anywhere'!  I wasn't moving fast enough! Yet as I got to the end of the year, I felt good; that I had made progress and accomplished things I wanted to accomplish.

Do I have any regrets?  Yes, I think I do!  In chapter 4, Ann V. asks the question, "What's the most profound regret in life.

Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me.  I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry.  But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing...Through all that haste, I thought I was making up time.  It turns out I was throwing it away.

Hmmm! What am I throwing away?  Where do I choose fullness of life?  So some of those 525, 600 minutes are already past for 2012- and I have had a slow start!  What am I going to do with the rest of my time?

What are you choosing?

Only ONE resolution this year!

So if you asked me what my favorite Christmas gift was this year, I would have to say a book!
One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

It's not just because it was from a very special friend on a day that we enjoyed a very special meal together.  It's not just because I have wanted to read it for a while and I like the cover of the book- though I do and have for a couple of years now.  It's not because it is fresh off the presses, because it came out in 2010. It's not that the author is saying anything brand new really- I've been told these things often before. I have even had a 'gratitude journal' often in my life.

No, as I've thought about WHY this book is so special- I guess it's because of the 'timing'!

The timing of when I received it and when I started reading it.
I was ready.
My heart was ready to receive it's message.
My life was ready to be inspired by it's words and the challenge it offers.
My spirit was ready to 'begin again' in the new year to live with a grateful heart.
My eyes were ready behold the gifts that were given each day
My mouth was ready to voice my thanks.

The timing of the interview I heard with Ann this morning.
The author speaking with excitement and passion about a message given to her to share with the world.
The reminders
...that each day is a gift.
...that when we receive the gifts in each day we enter into communion with the Giver of the gifts.
...that when we take the time to notice the gifts, we wake up to the little things, slow down enough to see them.
...that when we ask "what are gifts?" we begin to see the gifts in all things- even the hard things as being from the Giver of gifts.
...that you can't feel two feelings at the same time.  You can't feel fear and thanksgiving together.
...that people who keep a gratitude journal are 25% happier.
...that when Jesus knew it was time to die- he didn't buy a ticket to go see a place he had not seen yet. He broke bread and gave thanks.
...that the only place we need to see before we die is GOD-in the here and now.

The timing of the words in the book- creative structure-
         sometimes flowing, sometimes disjointed with intentionality and yet, as if random thoughts.
               Sometimes the words spoke peace and hope and JOY, great joy.
               Other times they were painting with great detail the hardship or pain in life, in Ann's life, in mine!

But always they were pointing to the everyday gifts that we are given each day-
- things that we have most often taken for granted.
- moments that are precious yet fleeting.

As I begin this new year, my only resolution is to live each and every day GRATEFUL! To see where God is breaking into my world and to thank Him for it!

How about you?  What are you grateful for today?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!