I can hear Him singing!

She's invited me to come on a journey with her; a pilgrimage of  life from loss to gratitude, from isolation to communion, to intimacy.

The author of One Thousand Gifts has taken me full circle.

All the while her words have gently massaged my soul, 

drawing out toxins that have permeated the very core of my being, 

kneading in messages of promise, of HOPE!

modeling for me how to live fully- not perfectly- but completely

seeing with eyes that behold His gifts, his invitation to hear him say once again,
"I love you!"

gratitude upon gratitude leading to the miracle

the communion of extraordinary God with ordinary woman

Eucharisteo!

This book I neither read quickly or flippantly.  Each page seemed to need time of its own to ponder- to question- to embrace! I wept! I smiled! I found healing and comfort, challenge and inspiration.  I rejoiced and grieved! For Ann- yes! Deep within myself- most definitely!  But for many others as well. Women and men who long for this kind of oneness with One who knows them inside and out and loves them still.  Yet the journey is not an easy one and many choose not to go there, not to do the work of 'noticing' for fear of what they might see,  for fear of the pain they might feel. 

But oh, what we miss when we silently back away from the angst and retreat to isolation once again. Most often it's that daily reminder of the 'gifts'. Noticing in a brief instant or in a series of moments that He has yet again reached out to me so uniquely to my needs and desires. But sometimes, when you least expect or when you are living most expectantly - there is this Kairos!  This moment when God takes up all the loose ends of your life and knots them together in the palm of His hand. Suddenly all the pieces of the journey begin to come together and take shape.  Your heart burns with longing and fills with gratitude all at the same time.  You know! You know!

Easter morning I read Ann's words (I record them because I do not want to forget the gift of that moment):

I can hear Him, singing, waking the world.  He's singing THAT song! 
The one I really didn't believe He sang!

"He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." (Zephaniah 3:17)

He sings love!...I can see the song,...And I can see in: 
Love is the face at the center of the universe. 
A sacred Smile; 
Holiness ready to die for intimacy!
...He serenades, "How do I love thee? 
I count the ways!

In eucharisteo, I count, count, count, keeping the beat of His song, the love song He can't stop singing, this long song of longing. That he sings love over me?

What else can all these gifts mean?

Crazy, I know, but until eucharisteo had me write the graces on paper, in my own handwriting, until it alerted my mind to see the graces in the details of my very own live, I hadn't really known.
With every grace, He sings, 

"You are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you." (Isaiah 43:4)

"For you are a chosen people...God's very own possession." (1 Peter 2:9)

I was afraid? I would have let fears that He wasn't close, wasn't passionately caring, wasn't tenderly tending, keep me from seeing ...He chose me!

(I would love to record the whole chapter- but be sure to read chapter 11, The joy of intimacy in it's entirety.)

She goes on to say:

CS Lewis argued that the most fundamental thing is not how we think of God but rather what God thinks of us... infinitely more important. Years of Christian discipleship, Bible study, churchgoing have been about me thinking about God. Practicing eucharisteo was the very first I had really consider at length what God thought about me- this ridiculous and relentlessly pursuing love, so bold. Everywhere, everything, Love!

"I have loved you with an everlasing love;
I have drawn you with loving-kindness. (Jeremiah 31:3 NIV)

In a thousand ways He woos.

In a thousand ways I fall in love.

Isn't falling in love always the fullest life?

Gratitude, gratitude, always eucharisteo!

I hear Him singing too!
How about you?

So...I learned two new words today!!!

rec·i·proc·i·ty/ˌresəˈpräsətē/

Noun:

The practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit, esp. privileges granted by one country or organization to another.

requitedpast participle, past tense of re·quite (Verb)

Verb:

Make appropriate return for (a favor or service); reward. Avenge or retaliate for (an injury or wrong).

Ok, so they're not completely brand new to me- but felt new as Pastor Randy challenged us with them today!  They are pretty common teachings that we get in our world today.  They have to do with the phrases 'what you give is what you get!" "you get what you pay for", or "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."

I've been considering it in terms of creating a business that contracts a fee for my services.  Things that I have done all my life, or tried to- I am now trying to create a living with. That sometimes means being aware of a fine line between being friend and coach.  But in either case, I am experiencing and EXPECTING that I will receive from the relationship.  As a friend, I will receive friendship in return. As a coach, I will receive payment and fulfillment from helping someone process something important to them.

Even today, I was given a 'gift' from a friend- it wasn't my birthday, it wasn't a holiday.  Just a regular day- and they blessed me with a gift that is 'perfect'.  I didn't expect it, didn't ask for it, but I received it with the blessing of a friend who saw a way to bless me!

But I've considered God's love for us!  He gave His love, his Son, knowing that we wouldn't get it- some of us never.  I mean the 'religious' people were the ones that hung Jesus on the cross!  We still do it today! Christ doesn't look like we think He should so ... we dismiss Him and what He offers!

As I've read "One Thousand Gifts", I read that everyday God gives to us GIFTS that remind of his love.  But I'm busy, or tired, or focused on other things and I don't even watch for those gifts.

UNREQUITED LOVE  "is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections. The Merriam Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as "not reciprocated or returned in kind."

Not only does God desire that we receive His love to us, but He is calling us to love without expecting anything back- even though the world teaches us to only give when you can get.

Unrequited Love- What does it look like to show love when we're not going to get anything back?

Can I show love with an attitude that truly desires only to move that person closer to the Lord, whether I receive anything in return- ever?  (Actually that question came from one of Randy's earlier messages!)

Lord, I sense this is a KAIROS moment for me.
(Kairos- a moment God breaks into your world.  Heaven breaks into your world)
You are using it in my life for a reason!
Help me hear you this week as I learn to love in your upside down kingdom!

Follow the prompt!

You know those times when you get a card from someone or a phone call from someone you haven't talked to for a while and you are amazed at the timing of that note or call. It came at just the moment you were feeling a discouragement or a insecurity and made all the difference in your day.

Or what about that moment when you feel that you should write a note to someone or make a call to see how someone is doing. It doesn't pop up on a screen like a prompt does on the computer to tell you what you need to do next or answer next. It's just a sense you have that God wants you to take action in some way. Sometimes you go ahead and do it and find that your note or card came at just the right time to encourage them.

But sometimes you don't! Not because you don't want to- you do! You start to more than once, but something interupts you and then it's too late- or too early, you'll do it later. Time just gets away from you and you don't. Pretty soon the feeling fades and you pray that someone else did write or did call and you move on- not knowing if it would have mattered or not.

But not this time! This time, it might have mattered. This time, it might have encouraged. And you know it might not have changed things- but it also might have. This time, you are only left to wonder. Because it is too late! She is gone! You'll never know.

What IS God saying to you in this moment? Where do you feel the Holy Spirit prompting you to give voice to your pain or give voice to you encouragement? What are you hearing? What are you sensing?

I know- God is soverign! I know- He is the Blessed Controller! I must trust Him to know better than I! But I also know that above all else- I want to be part of what He is doing in the lives of people.
And that means stopping!
Listening!
Learning to hear his voice above the roar of the noises in life!
And then responding to His voice & His promptings!

I don't want to be left to wonder again!

Recalibrating Kingdom Moments!

This morning I didn't think I needed to stay home from church. I had every plan to go! It has been a very busy week- I've had something going everyday this week and next week is the same way. In months & years past, I would never have been able to keep up with that schedule. But recently it has felt so good to still be able to keep going - even with a busy schedule. I've been so grateful- so relieved to have some endurance. I was going to go!

But as Ren left for 1st service this morning, he yelled up at me to just stay home- to rest! I yelled back "No, I'm fine, I'll be there for 2nd service!". However, as the morning continued, I realized it wasn't my body that needed the rest- it was the rest of me! My mind and my heart needed time- time to process the many thoughts and concepts that had come into my week; time to listen to what my life was telling me! time to notice the moments when the kingdom of God was trying to break through to my world and lead me into a growing place.

Like on Tuesday, when I mentioned to Leesa at work that I was looking for an old 'farm house' table for the GREEN room upstairs. And I would need a chair for my desk too! She jumped on Craig's list and within a couple of minutes, we found a pic of a little painted table with two drop leaves that looked just the right size. It had just gone on the list that morning. So on the way home from work, I called the number and made arrangements to stop by to see it. The lady sounded so friendly, I was looking forward to the encounter.

When I drove up, the table - and one white chair to go with it- was sitting on the front lawn! The woman came out to meet me - my first thought was- Wow! She reminds me of someone! But didn't think anything more about it. We talked about the table and that they just put it up for sale today. She asked me what I wanted to do with it- so I told her. We were remodeling my daughter's room who died 4 years ago. She sighed and said, "Oh I understand- 3 years ago, our daughter's only son was killed in an accident." We had plenty to talk about at that point. Then she asked how old my daughter was- I said 15. Right away, I could tell her mind began wheeling with thoughts. Suddenly she hands came up to her cheeks in realization, and she gasped, "You're Kathy!"
My eyes got wide! 'Yes!"
She reached for me and said, "I'm Rosie!"
And just as suddenly, I realized that I did know this little woman before me!
She was Rosie, the mother of the woman who was Ren's first secretary when we moved to Ohio and he was on staff at St. John. We knew Rosie & Jack 18 years ago- their daughter, Angie wasn't at the church for very long after we came- but we knew her son, Rosie's grandson. He was pretty young then-he's just a few years older than Caitlin, so he was probably 8 or 9 when we came. But we hadn't seen any of them for a long time!

Here we stood, all these years later around a table & a chair- remembering together! grieving together! Having our souls gently massaged by the heart of another who KNOWS what it is to lose.

It was one of those moments when I sensed God taking a lot of loose ends of my life and tieing it together in his hands. I don't know what I learned from that moment- other than that He was still intimately involved with me- in my journey to furnish my special room- with a very special table! It belongs there!

There have been many other Kingdom moments this week!
Conversations with Cait about the people & places of the Bible coming alive!
or with Brie talking about 'precious moments' and loving people and loving life.
or meeting with a special group of women and hearing the 'story' of their lives as they begin to notice God's fingerprints in places they have never seen him.

or this morning, kneeling in the GREEN room before the throne of God in worship!
Ah, Lord! Thank you for the words of my husband reminding me to stop!
I SEE You!
I love you!