Life is full of moments that catch you by surprise and take your breath away or moments that sock you in the gut and knock the breath out of you.
Learning to live in both is such a process! But if you take just a moment- in the middle of it all- to NOTICE what is really going on, you might find, be it ever so small, a small bit of GREEN! HOPE that is just beginning to show new life, a new normal. But good none-the-less!
Here's to noticing!
So this weekend I was on the worship team again! It is amazing how the Lord knows that I am going to need to practice a song a myriad of times, and then lead it 3 times before I'm going to be able to hear it. But that's what he did again! Finally the 3 worship gathering- I heard it! There were two songs in particular that brought it home to me! It started with a couple of lines out of this song below.
"Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through your hands."
Wow! Process that for a while! Everything that touches our life- goes through his hands. Everything! But God, why do you let some things through? Why don't you close your fingers to some of the really BIG hard places. It's almost as if you have to open your fingers wider to let them pass. Why not just pick them out instead and throw them away? Why not only let the good things pass? or are you? Are you sifting through and taking out so many things that we never know? Are you so big that you can do that for me, for Ren, for Cait & Brie- for all these people here today? Are you sifting so intimately for each of us? Yes, it seems so! Some of us have similar experiences and yet we each have different 'take' on it. You are using it differently for each of us. Hmmm? What have you sifted for today, Lord?
"I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, ...if not, I'll trust You!"
Hmmm? I know I'm not the only one having a hard time saying those words. Each service I saw hands go up to the face and tears come. No, it was sobs for some; body shaking, heart wrenching sobs. Lord, this is not easy for us! We know you can keep us from the pain! We have always believed you are BIG enough to do that. Yet we hurt! So deeply, so 'to the core! Can I trust You when it hurts so bad? I say "God is good, all the time!" When things are good, I shout it with exuberance. But when I'm hurting? Ah Lord, that is hard! Sometimes in that pain, I can barely breathe, let alone speak. Sometimes I don't like You! If you are the Blessed Controller of all things- and I believe you are, why would you NOT keep me from this pain?
Yet even in the pain, pain that comes to all of us at one time or another as part of this journey called life, I begin to see You! Not as the one who dishes out the pain, but as The Comforter, Healer, Mighy One; The Refuge and the Warrior! I see Your Strength, and Courage, Life and Hope! Ah, There it is!
God, You are my HOPE!
You are my ONLY HOPE!
My ONLY HOPE is YOU!
Yes Lord, I KNOW that YOU can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not...