Friday, April 23, 2010

the Heart of a Friend

Today, I visited with a friend- we see each other quite often, but today was different somehow. Today, we had a little more freedom to talk, to share 'deeper things' -things that don't come to the surface very often because they stir up all kinds of emotions. It's not always easy to share those kinds of things- mostly because we just don't want to - or don't know how to deal with those emotions once they begin to bleed through. So...we keep talking about the things that don't go deep- that don't hurt much.

But today we went deeper, one question inspired another; one confession admitted there were more. It started with one conflict in a relationship, only to reveal years of hurt & pain and great sadness. As we spoke, I realized that the words I was saying to my friend, to encourage her heart- to challenge her next steps were really the words I needed to have a friend speak to me. Buried under years of effort and 'positivity' were aches and sorrows that I longed to be honest about with someone, but afraid to admit.

What if they don't like me if they really know who I am?
What if I can't ever 'get it together'?
I'm afraid to try for fear of finding out I am a failure!

It takes time to make that kind of friends that will stick with you. It takes sharing life together on a frequent basis. It takes work to learn to put up with someone's differences while cherishing their strengths. But as I watched her tears fall for want of that kind of relationship- I knew we were not so different. And I know we're not the only ones.

I want what she wants- it may take a different shape- but it's intimacy with someone who will still love me tomorrow! Lord, help me be that kind of friend for her!


  1. just found your blog on your facebook page and i've not bookmarked you to get little peeks into your life!
    lovely post. a number of things struck me the the least of which: "What if I can't ever 'get it together'?" I had to smile...I'm graduating in June with my MA in counseling. Part of our program was to get six sessions of counseling ourselves. I've done my six sessions and just keep going, because I've got my own stuff to work through. (We all do!)
    Thanks for your openness.
    - and also, love your profile title/tag - recognizing there is probably some extra significance in it.

    Rochelle Matthews-Stoltzfus

  2. (and I've NOW book marked you...not "NOT bookmarked you" : )

  3. And I've become a follower of you! Loved that you added your personality profile info. I'm fascinated by that stuff for myself and others.
    You know, I'm finding some of my best therapy to be when I write out my thoughts for this blog, or when I speak them into a recorder and then can listen to myself. It's amazing what you suddenly hear yourself saying. But it helps to have someone else hold a mirror up for you so you can see what you are dealing with too! When you 'hang out your shingle' as a counselor- let me know. You just might have a visit from me!

  4. From The Friend.
    I just posted a fairly long comment, clicked the preview button below.......... and lost the posting.
    I cannot go through the whole thing again now.

    (to be continued)