All In ! ? Hmmm?

This last week, I've been recovering from my daughter's wedding - the first of two this summer, and a pulled tooth that I didn't take care of sooner.  And  I have been pondering.  Mostly because to do anything else was just too stressful this week.  But you know how you have recurring thoughts and messages that continue to bombard you from one angle or another?  Well... here's mine over the last couple of weeks?

Kathy, are you ALL IN?

Now I've been pretty tired this week.  The thought of mustering up enough energy to be IN to anything has me going back to bed and pulling the covers up over my head.

What does ALL IN mean? 

Is it fully committed?

Completely engaged?

Totally disciplined?

Giving all energy, time, money, & effort toward a cause- or a relationship?

Does it mean you've got it all together?

Is it in my marriage? my relationship with my girls? most significantly with the Lord?

Is it commitment to my job?

or my dreams?

or others in my world?

Whoosh! I'm tired again!

If I were to ask you ... Are you ALL IN?

how would you reply?

Do you feel like you are ALL IN anywhere?

I don't! 

I want to be, ...I think.

I want to feel committed to something important

I want to feel drawn by the urgency of a dream

I want to feel deeply involved in lives- especially Ren and the girls and their important young men

I want to impact lives of friends, and family, and clients

I want to be so IN in my relationship with my God that I KNOW what His best is for me

I want to be so ALL IN in my care of myself that my health; body, mind, and soul show it.

I want to be so ALL IN that my finances reflect health also

There have been times when I thought I was ALL IN- truly was!

Total commitment- total energy- total vision

Only to discover that the cost of being ALL IN was very high!

Being ALL IN didn't lead to health; in me, in my family, in those I worked with.

I don't want to be ALL IN like that again.

...ever again.

or do I?

Did I - even in the 'unhealth' of being ALL IN- experience incredible healing & fulfillment?

Is there a way to be ALL IN and still be balanced?

 or is balance a mirage- an ideal that is truly not possible?

To live only partially in... is that even worth doing?

This past weekend, we went to Wheaton Bible Church with Cait & Jack.  In the sermon, the pastor kept saying, "It's not how you started, but how you finish."

I want to finish well. I want to finish ALL IN.  But as you can see,  I have more questions at the moment than I do answers.

And I will just say it out right ... I am not looking for pat answers to these questions.

I want to hear from people who know what it is to wrestle with these same questions.

People who know what it is to live in these questions ....the key word being LIVE!

People who know it's not about balance at all.

You, I would like to hear from.

Are you ALL IN? 

What are your thoughts?